Why "Good Job!" Isn’t Always Enough: A Montessori-Inspired Guide to Praise
- Jade Drive International Pre-school
- Jun 4
- 3 min read
We’ve all said it, “Good job!” when our child finishes a puzzle, puts away their toys, or helps a friend. It feels natural, even kind. But what if these words, though well-meaning, don’t support your child’s development in the way you hope?
At Jade Drive International Pre-school, we follow the Montessori philosophy, which encourages us to look more deeply at how children grow, not just physically, but emotionally, socially, and intellectually. One area where this really matters is praise.
This post explores why how we praise matters, what the research says, and how you can encourage your child in a way that builds real confidence, focus, and independence.
What’s the Problem with Saying “Good Job!”?
The phrase itself isn’t harmful, but when used too often or without thought, it can lead to unintended effects:
❌ Children may start looking to adults for approval, instead of feeling proud of their own efforts.
❌ It can make them afraid to fail, because they want to keep hearing they’re “good.”
❌ It shifts the focus from what they did to what we think about it.
“Praising effort, not traits, helps children develop a growth mindset.”– Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University
What Montessori Education Teaches Us About Praise
In a Montessori classroom, the goal is to help children become self-motivated learners. We observe children deeply and speak to them with care. Rather than constantly evaluating their work, we try to describe what we see and support their thinking.
Instead of saying, “That’s a great drawing!”, a Montessori guide might say:
“You worked a long time on that. I can see you used red, blue, and yellow. Can you tell me what's happening in your picture?”
This kind of response:
❤️ Encourages reflection
❤️ Builds vocabulary
❤️ Shows the child their work is interesting, not just ‘good’
What the Experts Say
Montessori is not alone in this thinking. Modern psychology supports the idea that children benefit from more thoughtful encouragement.
Alfie Kohn warns that over-praise can create children who do things just to be liked.
Dr. Becky Kennedy encourages “mindful praise,” where we notice effort and emotion.
Daniel Pink reminds us that motivation comes from autonomy, mastery, and purpose, not stickers, stars, or approval.
When Praise Is Helpful
This doesn’t mean we should never praise our children. Praise can be:
A way to connect emotionally
A way to celebrate effort
A way to encourage kindness or cooperation
The key is to keep it:
Specific
Sincere
About the action, not the person
Instead of:
“You’re so smart!”
Try:
“Wow, you did it all by yourself!”
What to Say Instead of “Good Job”
Instead of… | Try saying… |
“Good job!” | “You finished it all by yourself!” |
“You’re so clever!” | “You found a way to make it work.” |
“That’s amazing!” | “You used so many colours in your art!” |
“Wow, you’re fast!” | “You were really focused today!” |
These phrases:
Help your child understand what they did well
Give them the language to describe their own feelings
Encourage internal motivation over external rewards
A Simple Practice for Parents
Next time your child completes a task or shows you something:
Pause and Observe. What do you notice?
Describe What You See. “You used so many blocks in your tower.”
Ask a Reflective Question. “How did you figure out how to balance that?”
And sometimes, just smiling and being present is enough. Your calm attention tells your child: This moment matters.
Let’s Build Inner Confidence
We’re not saying never say “Good job.” We’re saying let’s use our words more thoughtfully, in a way that helps children trust themselves, reflect on their actions, and feel proud from within.
Because one day, they won’t need to hear “Good job.”
They’ll believe it themselves.
...
❤️ Want to Learn More?
Follow us on Instagram at Jade Drive for more insights like this, or book a school tour to see how Montessori comes to life in our classrooms.
