If you’ve ever tried to leave a playground, a friend’s house, or even the preschool’s play area with your little one, you may have experienced firsthand the dramatic reaction that sometimes follows. Tears, shouting, resistance, or even physical outbursts like hitting and kicking can turn a simple transition into what feels like a full-scale meltdown. Meanwhile, other children seem to leave without a fuss. What’s going on here, and how can parents help their children handle transitions more smoothly? 🤔
Why Are Transitions So Hard for Preschoolers?
🎨🧠 Immersed in the Moment – Young children are naturally present-focused. Their whole world revolves around that activity when they are playing, making it difficult to shift gears suddenly.
⏳🧒 Lack of Time Awareness – Preschoolers have a limited understanding of time. "Five more minutes" doesn’t mean much to them if they are deeply engaged in play.
💖🎭 Emotional Attachment to Activities – Play is not just fun; it’s an emotional and learning experience. Leaving in the middle of an engaging or imaginative activity can feel like a deep loss.
🛑🧍♂️Control and Autonomy – Young children are in the process of learning independence. Being told to stop an activity and leave can feel like a loss of control, leading to resistance.
😴🔊 Fatigue and Overstimulation – Sometimes, a child's difficulty with transitions stems from being overtired, overstimulated, or even hungry, making them less able to regulate their emotions.
Why Do Some Kids Transition Easily While Others Resist?
Some children transition more smoothly than others due to a combination of temperament, development, and parenting approach. While parenting style influences behaviour, it’s not the only factor at play.
🧒 Temperament & Personality – Some kids are naturally more adaptable, while others are strong-willed and resistant to change. Children who are deeply focused on activities may struggle more when asked to stop.
😤 Emotional Regulation & Development – Children with stronger emotional regulation skills can better manage transitions. Others may not yet have the tools to cope with frustration, leading to meltdowns.
📚 Parenting Style & Approach –
Authoritative Parenting (Balanced approach): Kids raised with consistent routines and gentle guidance tend to transition more smoothly.
Permissive Parenting (Few limits): Children who lack structured expectations may resist transitions because they aren’t accustomed to boundaries.
Authoritarian Parenting (Strict control): Kids may react with defiance or anxiety if transitions feel abrupt or overly controlled.
🕰️ Experience & Exposure to Transitions – Children who regularly practice structured transitions, such as using timers or predictable routines, become more comfortable with change.
🙋♂️ Need for Control & Independence – Some children feel more secure when given small choices, such as, "Do you want to leave in two minutes or three?" This sense of autonomy helps reduce resistance.
What Parents May Be Doing That Makes Transitions Harder
Sometimes, without realising it, parents reinforce difficult transitions. Here are a few common mistakes to avoid:
👋 Making abrupt departures – If a child is suddenly pulled away without warning, it can feel like a shock, leading to resistance.
⏳ Over-negotiating – Constant bargaining ("Just two more minutes, okay? No, another two more minutes") can lead to power struggles and unpredictability.
😔 Giving in to every protest – While acknowledging feelings is important, consistently allowing meltdowns to change the outcome teaches children that resistance works.
💭 Ignoring emotional preparation – Not helping a child mentally prepare for transitions makes it harder for them to cope when the time comes.
Strategies to Help Kids Transition More Easily
⏳ Give a Warning – Let your child know that playtime is coming to an end soon. Using a simple phrase like, "We have five more minutes, then we’ll head home" helps set expectations.
🎵 Use a Visual or Auditory Cue – A timer, a specific song, or a countdown can help children prepare for transitions.
🤔 Offer Choices – Give your child a sense of control by allowing small choices: "Do you want to go down the slide one more time, or on the swing?"
💬 Validate Feelings – Acknowledge their emotions: "I know you really like it here and you’re having so much fun. It's hard to go, isn't it? We can come back another day, okay?"
🧸 Use a Transition Object – Bringing a favourite toy or something comforting to hold while leaving can help ease the shift from one activity to another.
🐰 Make Leaving Fun – Turn departures into a game: "Let’s hop like bunnies to the car!" This makes transitions feel more playful rather than abrupt.
📆 Stick to Routines – Predictability helps children feel secure. If they know what to expect, they’re more likely to transition smoothly.
🧭 Practice Transitions – Set up mini-transitions at home, such as ending playtime before a meal, to help your child get used to switching activities.
🌟 Praise Cooperation – When your child transitions well, acknowledge it: "You left the park so calmly today! That was great."
🌈 Stay Calm and Consistent – If a meltdown happens, remain patient and firm. A gentle but unwavering approach over time helps children learn that transitions are a normal part of life.
Expert Insights on Transitions
Experts in child development agree that difficulty with transitions is a normal stage in early childhood. Here’s what they say:
Dr. Laura Markham (Clinical Psychologist & Parenting Expert): Young children’s brains are still developing self-regulation skills, making transitions emotionally challenging. Gentle preparation and structure help ease the process.
Dr. Ross Greene (Child Psychologist & Author of The Explosive Child): Kids struggling with transitions often have lagging skills in flexibility or frustration tolerance. Teaching problem-solving and emotional regulation is key.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP): Play is essential for development, and children deeply engaged in an activity may feel a sense of loss when leaving. Empathy and predictable routines reduce stress.
Montessori Approach (Dr. Maria Montessori): Children thrive in structured, prepared environments where they know what to expect. Giving them autonomy over small choices helps with smoother transitions.
Conclusion
Leaving the playground, preschool, or a playdate may feel overwhelming to a young child, but with preparation, empathy, and consistency, parents can make transitions easier. While temperament plays a role, structured routines, gentle guidance, and small choices can significantly improve how children handle change. By equipping kids with these transition skills early on, parents help them navigate the many changes they’ll encounter in life with greater confidence and ease.